mas o menos

Here's a journal entry from a bit over a year ago. Why is it relevant now, you might ask? Good question.

0855: Just sent in my registration renewal at the DMV office before getting on the bus to work. I was wondering if I could just drop off the payment in a box (w/o a stamp) instead of waiting in line but despite being crowded moved fast. The clerk asked if I wanted to stay and pay or drop it off in the box. Being in a rush to catch the bus, I nervously responded, "I put the check inside already". She smiled in a way that almost concealed her frustration and replied once again, "stay and pay or drop it off in the box". As if catching myself from falling over the edge of a cliff, I spat out "in the box". Hands shaking, I put the envelope into the slit of the tinted plastic box. Mission accomplished. To the bus stop. The "gruff" bus driver pulled up through the light drizzle. His boisterous, "GOOD MORNING" seemed more like a greeting at a boot camp or prison. However this morning in a slightly less gruff tone he asked how I was doing. I said I wasn't too bad. I asked the same. Good. It was hardly 5 seconds, but it was real. 1232: And so it goes. Bren called twice: once to tell me off about last nights old cell phone debacle and second, to tell me off about rent. 1700: Time to go.

Katy Perry - Waking Up In Vegas

Liquid Indian - Guided By Voices

11/23

1525: Where to begin? Well, first off we've been near obsessing about the time change. (Wow! It's deer-feeding dark as we trudge home!) From heading out of work shock of the day bailing like a party that just ran out of beer to the early morning sunrise at 6:30, this time change slap in the face never gets old. Gotta say, I love these fall changes, better than spring. Spring forward not only feels like being robbed an hour of sleep but it has this strange off kilter feel all day. Can't say enough about trekking through the chilly dark evening with as cold beer in tow and looking forward to evening rituals. 1548: T-day will be spent @ PO. Duck, turkey parts, roasted veggies, stuffing, lots of gravy and homemade cheesecake on the menu so far. It all comes as a relief to be out of the family limelight this year but there also seems a lingering hint of disappointment, oddly enough. Could compare it back to '04 when the folks cut us out of their t-dinner plans. We just bought the Mazda -- we got over it. 1559: Rain in the forecast for this evening! Brought our trusty club/umbrella. Been having trouble sticking to the gym routine these past weeks -- if not due to changes to our personal routine it'll be someone using the eliptical etc. It's disappointing the excuses come too easily and we're recognizing that it is more than simply working out. It's an outlet for stress, frustration, discontentment and a bad day, which all too often the case.

Brian Dawkins/Donovan McNabb-Can You Dig It

Masaru's-ville

0844: Missed work yesterday. Excuse was we over did it at the gym, which is partially true. Legs, back, and arms really were sore. Needless to say, the main reason had more to do with needing a mental holiday. So we realized after taking a morning nap that maybe it was a mistake. That leaving us alone with our thoughts isn't such a good idea. Now here we are at work and feeling like we're lined up before a firing squad. Any given moment filled with the threat of getting blown away. Or a speck of sand in gears of the inner workings in our head. At least it's Friday. 0856: On top of that, we've got rain coming down like nobody's business. To ease the burden we drove in to work. A luxury we don't often take advantage of. Supposed to stick around through tomorrow. Bren was saying they've got snow on the way. It's going on day 7 (counting Sat. the day she left). We're emotionally feeling a bit under the weather, which is probably an understatement. Yesterday was brutal. Thinking about it now, it seems the biggest reason this whole bachelor sentence has such gnarly teeth is the simple fact that we don't have an x factor. No getting the oil change, car wash, cleaning up etc., to go to the folks by T-day. No gearing up for family get-together. No planning on picking her up at LAX by the end of the week. NOTHING!!! Only glimpse of hope through all of this is she'll be back (maybe?) after next week. Might as well be next year at this rate! I looked at myself in the mirror this morning and saw a bloated and craggy face staring back. Yes, things are not peachy in Masaru's-ville.

Byzantine

[journal entry dated on 2/29]

1207: 3 hours into the day... and it's Fri. Things are moving along in a fairly good pace. We've kept busy with stuff outside of cataloging mostly. (stats, treat prep, etc.) Weather-wise, it's gloomy. Pretty much sneaked up like thick as soup fog late yesterday afternoon and hasn't let up hardly since. And it's a bit chilly. Before you know it, the weekend will be here and then just like that, we'll be full steam into another week. These days I'm just not that in a hurry to get through another year. God, let me enjoy my 30's before it's too late. 1305: I want to get new strings this weekend. Maybe it'll inspire bigger and better things. But then again, likely not. It's been a nicer than usual kinda week and I just hope that the weekend doesn't ruin it all. 1450: Back from lunch. Talk about I'm Byzantine.

tsunami

It's the day after Christmas and not surprisingly, it's been a god-send to have it behind us at last. I've been doing pretty well in spite of these hectic days. Well, perhaps "hectic" doesn't quite do justice to the corpulent derangement that comes complimentary with the holidays. I could go needlessly on about spending time in the tumbleweed storms of Palmdale and playing nice to certain tribal members, but I'm bursting with enough emotional stuffing to last many holidays to come. As it's been the same in my all-too-brief span of memory, it's the little things that make my four walls spin 'round. Not to carry on like the previous entry, but I find myself cluelessly struggling for what makes life enjoyable. Then add to the wish list -- less worries, fear, anxiety-strickeness,...and more tomatillo salsa, please. I feel like normal people live on an entirely separate plane of existence. That they can't even imagine what living life in moment to moment fear or dread would be like. And if the case happens to be neither, it's living in utter apathy. It's all bad or nothing. No good. Okay, maybe I'm being overly dramatic. Sometimes nothing is good. No bills, no news, no show ups, no memory -- all good.

>yawn<

Got Halo 3 the day after its release on Sept. 25. I'm bored of games. Nowadays, it seems the trivial things matter most -- like my shoulder not aching, not missing the bus, perrier or carbonated blah (instead of beer), toilet paper, not having to take aciphex "ass effects" (for stomach problems), not dreaming about work or taking out the trash (while at work), and having conversations which don't involve bowel movements, microwaveable food (a.k.a. leftovers), non-alcoholic beer, this guy named Chris, guppies, or blogs like this. Yeah, just the little things...

before palmton

Been thinking a lot about Palmdale lately. Mostly about the big chain grocery stores -- one in particular, Market Basket, which changed to Lucky's (sometime in the early 80's if not mistaken) strikes me as a semi-enthusiastic "oh yeah" memory back when Palmdale wasn't "Palmton". Yes, it was a friggen supermarket like any of it's ilk, but for some reason this one store in its residentially friendly locale and commercial seclusion has captivated some sense of nostalgic awe. Spent a better part of last night trying to remember what the inside of the store looked like with its gleaming chrome turnstiles and newly renovated Deli section beyond the checkout counters. Where's the meat & produce section? Where's the bathrooms? It's sad to think all that's left of that wonder is now an empty lot.

something new

I saw the doctor today. It was the first time Dr. Polito and I met -- needless to say, I was wracked with nerves. When he first entered the examining room, there was an instant mental sigh of relief. Perhaps it was his mild-mannered looking face and demeanor. I don't know, but somehow I felt like I could trust him. We started talking about my high blood pressure and he asked about how I sleep. I said that was funny he should ask because my gf thinks I have sleep apnea. He suggested that she watch over me while I sleep to examine it closer. Then we talked about alcohol. He basically threw the book at me about my drinking and made some well intentioned suggestions toward quitting. (It's hard to say how far I'll take to them... but I'm going to try not to indulge for tonight.) Next, I mentioned the blood when I "go" and he referred me to a urologist. Well, somehow thinking it was all related I didn't think it wasn't pee but poop guy I had to see, I called back clearing the misunderstanding. Finally, he prescribed meds for anxiety called Wellbutrin. That'll have to be another blog entry. Anyway, I was wanting a change and though it's not exactly what I bargained, maybe it's what I need right now.

not quite there yet...

Okay, this is merely a personal rant about life these days as a 9 to 5:30er and weekend (anything but) warrior. Yep, I find myself in an endless cycle of unpredictable monotony. Library work has proven to be mindless and a sad excuse to pass time. (But there are obvious perks like having the financial means to purchase xbox games and a 30 pack of natural ice twice a week.) Sad but true -- beer, games, and internet "stuff" are the mainstay of our existence. Somehow, seeing it in writing makes it seem a slightly less bitter truth. Maybe there is something therapeutic about this blogging stuff. Okay, I don't think I'll delete this entry.