tsunami

It's the day after Christmas and not surprisingly, it's been a god-send to have it behind us at last. I've been doing pretty well in spite of these hectic days. Well, perhaps "hectic" doesn't quite do justice to the corpulent derangement that comes complimentary with the holidays. I could go needlessly on about spending time in the tumbleweed storms of Palmdale and playing nice to certain tribal members, but I'm bursting with enough emotional stuffing to last many holidays to come. As it's been the same in my all-too-brief span of memory, it's the little things that make my four walls spin 'round. Not to carry on like the previous entry, but I find myself cluelessly struggling for what makes life enjoyable. Then add to the wish list -- less worries, fear, anxiety-strickeness,...and more tomatillo salsa, please. I feel like normal people live on an entirely separate plane of existence. That they can't even imagine what living life in moment to moment fear or dread would be like. And if the case happens to be neither, it's living in utter apathy. It's all bad or nothing. No good. Okay, maybe I'm being overly dramatic. Sometimes nothing is good. No bills, no news, no show ups, no memory -- all good.

>yawn<

Got Halo 3 the day after its release on Sept. 25. I'm bored of games. Nowadays, it seems the trivial things matter most -- like my shoulder not aching, not missing the bus, perrier or carbonated blah (instead of beer), toilet paper, not having to take aciphex "ass effects" (for stomach problems), not dreaming about work or taking out the trash (while at work), and having conversations which don't involve bowel movements, microwaveable food (a.k.a. leftovers), non-alcoholic beer, this guy named Chris, guppies, or blogs like this. Yeah, just the little things...

before palmton

Been thinking a lot about Palmdale lately. Mostly about the big chain grocery stores -- one in particular, Market Basket, which changed to Lucky's (sometime in the early 80's if not mistaken) strikes me as a semi-enthusiastic "oh yeah" memory back when Palmdale wasn't "Palmton". Yes, it was a friggen supermarket like any of it's ilk, but for some reason this one store in its residentially friendly locale and commercial seclusion has captivated some sense of nostalgic awe. Spent a better part of last night trying to remember what the inside of the store looked like with its gleaming chrome turnstiles and newly renovated Deli section beyond the checkout counters. Where's the meat & produce section? Where's the bathrooms? It's sad to think all that's left of that wonder is now an empty lot.

something new

I saw the doctor today. It was the first time Dr. Polito and I met -- needless to say, I was wracked with nerves. When he first entered the examining room, there was an instant mental sigh of relief. Perhaps it was his mild-mannered looking face and demeanor. I don't know, but somehow I felt like I could trust him. We started talking about my high blood pressure and he asked about how I sleep. I said that was funny he should ask because my gf thinks I have sleep apnea. He suggested that she watch over me while I sleep to examine it closer. Then we talked about alcohol. He basically threw the book at me about my drinking and made some well intentioned suggestions toward quitting. (It's hard to say how far I'll take to them... but I'm going to try not to indulge for tonight.) Next, I mentioned the blood when I "go" and he referred me to a urologist. Well, somehow thinking it was all related I didn't think it wasn't pee but poop guy I had to see, I called back clearing the misunderstanding. Finally, he prescribed meds for anxiety called Wellbutrin. That'll have to be another blog entry. Anyway, I was wanting a change and though it's not exactly what I bargained, maybe it's what I need right now.

not quite there yet...

Okay, this is merely a personal rant about life these days as a 9 to 5:30er and weekend (anything but) warrior. Yep, I find myself in an endless cycle of unpredictable monotony. Library work has proven to be mindless and a sad excuse to pass time. (But there are obvious perks like having the financial means to purchase xbox games and a 30 pack of natural ice twice a week.) Sad but true -- beer, games, and internet "stuff" are the mainstay of our existence. Somehow, seeing it in writing makes it seem a slightly less bitter truth. Maybe there is something therapeutic about this blogging stuff. Okay, I don't think I'll delete this entry.